Thanks for joining me on this deep dive into one of my big five priorities: Cultivating the Atmosphere of our Home. This was the easiest of my five priorities to identify and the one I place above the rest. Here’s a breakdown of what it looks like for me to prioritize the atmosphere of my home for my family.

Charlotte Mason says atmosphere is one of the most pivotal aspects for learning. Miss Mason wrote, “[T]he atmosphere in which a child gathers his unconscious ideas of right living emanate from his parents. Every look of gentleness and tone of reverence, every word of kindness and act of help, passes into the thought environment, the very atmosphere which the child breathes…all his life long they excite the vague appetancy…toward things sordid or lovely, earthly or divine.”

Lifelong learning, and seeing learning as more than academic subjects, is a personal core value of mine. My husband and I want to be lifelong learners and it’s our goal to raise one too. Therefore, this perspective should apply to all things in our lives, and I see it as my responsibility to be the nurturer of this aspect of our lives. 

Moms may have heard the phrase, “you set the temperature, or tone, in your home.” It might feel like a lot of pressure, but I’ve found it to be true. If I’m stressed or annoyed or angry or down, it ripples out from me to everyone in my home. While I don’t love the analogy of me being a thermostat, I do recognize I have more influence than anyone else. If I yell, soon, so is everyone else. If I stay calm, there’s peace. Cultivating the atmosphere in our home has to start with me. I toss the stone in the lake and make choices all day long, influencing the gentleness or the fierceness of the wake. This is not a call on myself to always be happy or never have a hard day; instead it’s a call to accountability. It’s a recognition that I need to take care of myself as well as check myself. It’s awareness that no one and nothing can make me behave a certain way but I get to choose how to respond. It’s alignment with the reality of how little control I have and how often I need to turn to the Holy Spirit to help me choose my responses and attitude. 

The atmosphere starts with me.

I’ve taken a lot of time in the last year to examine what personal needs I have to take care of myself. Self-care is a hot topic. I recently read Erin Davis’ words about self-care and they struck me as brilliant. This is how I now look at taking care of myself. She writes, “Self-care as a means of sanctification brings the reward of becoming more like Jesus. Self-care as a way to treat myself feeds my flesh. Self-care as a way to steward what God has given me feeds both my spirit and my body.” I’ll add, self-care to be well enough to love my neighbors – and what neighbors are closer than those in my own home? – is a response to Jesus’ calling on my life. To start, I’ve accepted my body’s tendency toward inflammation and have committed to practices to reduce inflammation, like cold-plunging, eating cooling foods, and building prayer breaks into my day (I like John Eldredge’s Pause app for this). I know I need daily time in my Bible, but I promise you, it looks different day-to-day. Sometimes it’s a deep 30 minute reading with commentary before my son wakes up, and other times it’s a five minute devotional while he eats breakfast (or some days, lunch), and other times it’s alongside him in Hurlbut’s Story of the Bible or a children’s Bible story. I also know I need to read good words and (attempt) to write good words so I have books I’m reading strategically placed all over the house, easy to grab for a five minute read, and I always have a notebook with me to jot down my own words. I need to walk barefoot in my yard, take a shower, and stretch daily to be at my best.

From there I can start to do some cultivation for others. The idea of an atmosphere is a little abstract.  I’ve come to see Mason’s principle visually, like this:

The physical space we design, and the spiritual tone we promote, combine to create the overall atmosphere. They are constantly informing each other in a relationship requiring active attention to both aspects to propel and grow the entire whole. Neither is more important than the other and success is only gained through fueling both. Here’s what that looks like in my home.

Physical:

• Comfortable places to sit 
• Allowance of my child’s visual interests and creations to fill the walls and shelves in all the areas of our home
• A defined space to bring nature inside
• Book shelves, full to overflowing, in every room
• Open windows, curtains open, open doors (when weather allows) to let sunlight and fresh air inside
• Invitations in view to move outside, including our picnic table
• Everything having its place, but that place might be simply a spot on the table or a basket on the floor – habit of tidying is more important than the aesthetic
• Decor drawing us to our values of: God, family, nature, fellowship, exploration, story, observation, attention, and love
• Tools to act on those values readily available: the Bible, books, maps, magnifying glasses, foraging bags, quality cooking ingredients, colored pencils, notebooks, cookbooks, food that loves us back, containers to take food to others, resources to create and observe and experiment
• Photos displaying the life we’re living, not just perfectly posed portraits – the exciting, the messy, the surprising, the fullness of our very alive living
• Fishing tackle boxes, felt fish, note paper and signs displayed for our family philosophy (more on this below)

Spiritual:

• An open Bible on a lap to tell favorite stories from God’s Word
• Prayer at meal times and bedtime, but also throughout the day
• Apologies given freely from me when I mess up
• Conversations examining the calling on our lives to care for ourselves, mind, body, and soul
• Seizing opportunities to love our neighbors (the ones outside our home) well
• Emphasizing recognition of excelling in our family’s philosophy (loosely based on the Fish Philosophy): Make Someone’s Day, Pay Attention, Choose Your Attitude, and Play (more on these in a future blog series – make sure you’re subscribed to learn more!); all are encouraged to recognize other family members’ behavior rather than focusing on our own
• Eye contact, putting phones in a box or other room, hugs, sitting together to read
• Repeating back what we think we heard another family member say
• Dinner together every night (with the rare exception)
• “I love you” said freely and often
• Handwritten notes to accentuate the positives we see in one another

When someone comes into my home, they may not know how intentional all of these things are but they are distinct choices. They may think it’s messy to leave my son’s colored pencils and nature finds on the dining table, but I want him to have access to them. They may think it’s ugly to have his truck drawings taped on the wall next to art, but I want him to know his interests are as valid as mine. They may find it strange that we have candid pictures hanging on the wall, but I want us all to remember the wonder in our day-to-day lives. They may think it’s obnoxious to have family values and verses hung on the wall for all to see, but I want us to stay rooted in our faith and family. They may think family dinners are outdated and unnecessary, but I want us to end every day rooted to where we belong.

Of all my big five priorities, this is the one that matters most. I’ll sacrifice all the rest to do this one well. I used to be seen as someone with big, audacious goals. A “goal-getter” and proud to “hustle” for my career. When I stepped back, slowed down, and re-prioritized I could hear the echo of, “she’s lost her ambition.” But it’s not true. I’m as ambitious as I ever was. My ambition shifted to something simpler and yet far more meaningful. My ambition shifted to cultivating the atmosphere of this home for these individuals. I’ve never been more content with what I’m doing with my life than I am now, focused on this primary aspect of my big five.

Not sure what the big five is? Check out last month’s post. And come back next month as I share my next priority: Adventuring with My Family.

Thanks for being here!