The beauty of coming back again and again

One of the coolest things about summer camp is how you could actually see your own growth and progress. Maybe it was over the entire summer, like how at the beginning of the summer you might not have been able to do a three-string lanyard weave or you weren’t very good at Nation Ball (our camp’s brand of dodge ball); but by the end of summer you’d improved or even mastered some skills. Maybe it was from year to year. Last year you had a hard time doing the big loop hike, but this year it’s a breeze. We even had some activities reserved for older kids, so some years felt like milestones, when you were old enough to go on certain hikes or do the overnight campout. 

Summer camp allowed you to see your own growth because it was such a consistent and familiar environment. Sure, a few things might change year over year, but mostly it was the same and it was certainly very predictable week to week – the only real change each week being the theme and which leader you’d have. The trails were the same, the park was the same, the buildings were the same, the songs were the same, the rituals were the same. With all of that consistency a kid could really see their own progress. This might not seem like a big deal but it’s a huge part of developing self-efficacy. 

What is self-efficacy? It might also be framed as self-belief, specifically in one’s own abilities. It isn’t quite the same as self-esteem or confidence. It’s the conviction someone has they can do something based on the evidence they have about their prior performance. It’s developed by continuing to work toward something, laying building blocks toward accomplishing the goal. It’s often used when talking about classroom learning, like kid’s belief they’ll be able to do their multiplication table through 9’s because they were able to work through multiplication of 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s so they have both the evidence they’ll succeed if they work toward it and an understanding of what the work will look like to keep going from 4’s through 8’s to get to 9’s. They believe they can do it. That’s self-efficacy.  I believe every experience of growing in self-belief is valuable to an individual’s overall ability to learn, as well as their self-concept. So I think a kid’s growth over the summer to be able to play a game better or do a craft more confidently matters to all their other learning. I especially think when a kid can come back a year later and see how far they’ve come there’s some really important developmental outcomes ranging from competence and confidence to self-compassion and self-awareness.

I certainly experienced this myself at camp. Yes, as a camper, and definitely as I grew in leadership roles as a Leader-In-Training (LIT) and later a Leader and Director. Coming back my second year as a LIT I was full of ideas for my own activities I’d lead each week and much more comfortable when I’d be left alone with a group of kids to play Down By the Banks while a Leader set up a craft activity. My second year as a Director I didn’t just meet expectations by going through the steps I knew I was supposed to, I brought my own ideas to the table bringing more of myself to the role. This is the kind of growth we can only get by coming back to the same place and experiences over and over again and allowing ourselves to see how we are developing within that space.

I had one of these experiences with my son today, at the local Strawberry Farm. Our first visit was two months after his first birthday, nearly two years ago, on my second Mother’s Day weekend. We were visiting, house-hunting, and a friend suggested we take a break and meet up there for a little strawberry fun. On that first trip my son wasn’t too interested in the berry picking, but he did enjoy the tractors and chickens and being outside. He also enjoyed trying his first ice cream and seeing others pick berries. 

Last year, having moved the previous summer, we were ready to really experience the berry picking. We went twice. The first time he mostly just ran through the fields and tried to eat berries. But the second time we went he really tried to pick some – though many were unripe or overripened. He was a little more focused and interested in the activity but still disinterested in carrying his bucket and had to constantly be reminded to look for and pick berries. We took a lot of pictures and hung a couple up on the wall of his play area so he’s seen them and been able to recollect over the last 11 months.

Today, he picked out the bucket he wanted to take with us from home, fully aware of what we were heading out to do. We hit the fields and he remembered to stay between the beds, knew to only pick red ones, and would feel some before picking them, telling me, “this one’s yucky,” and passing it by. He only asked to eat a berry once his bucket was full. Speaking of his bucket, it was full to the brim and heavy, and he not only carried it the whole time, he insisted on carrying it for himself. He was focused and engaged the whole time we picked and then asked afterward to go see the chickens and tractors he’d viewed on his first visit. As we stood in the shade watching the rooster crow I couldn’t help but be moved by how much he’s grown in the two years since our first visit. The reflection was really made possible by the comparison I have from year to year of his behavior, understanding, and interest. 

The correlations to what I experienced at camp were obvious: it’s the same location, some of the same people and some different but their interactions are similar, and it’s the same activity. It allowed him to show off what he remembered and what he’s learning away from the strawberry farm and apply it. It allowed me to observe how different these experiences were for me as his mom. 

This was a pretty cool experience and a pretty cool day. I’m convinced, once again, the cadence of what camp taught me is so valuable in my mothering. I’m even more committed now to ensuring we have these kinds of repeat experiences, month over month or year over year, to build self-efficacy, reflect on growth, and observe development. What an incredible, and simple, gift we get by picking strawberries each and every year.

Originally posted 4/18/23 on old website