Reflections on the fear of missing out that snuck up on me

I love this idea I had, to recreate camp for my son and myself within our context; but sometimes that last part really gets to me. Sometimes I wish I was parenting, and recreating camp, in my old camp context: among the redwoods, on trails and in fields familiar to me, and in the climate I grew up in. In the environment I went to camp in and worked at camp in because it would be a lot more comfortable. 

In fact, back in 2020, before I even knew I wanted to recreate camp or homeschool I panicked and tried to nudge us back to the Pacific Northwest. Thankfully, none of those doors never opened because I know in my heart of hearts it’s not where we’re meant to be. We’re where we’re supposed to be but that doesn’t meant the feeling that we’re missing out on something back home doesn’t creep up on me sometimes. Occasionally I feel overwhelmed by my lack of familiarity; if I were back in northern California – I tell myself – I would know exactly how to execute this activity or where to go for this lesson or who to ask for help with that task. Especially when I see friends from home who still live there posting about life with their kids on the beaches of the north coast, or at one of the familiar local spots, and definitely when they post about being at Redwood Park. 

The feeling, that I’m missing out on what parenting would be like in my home town, is one of the insidious ways anxiety tells me I’m not good enough for my son. I know it well because I’ve been managing anxiety ever since my son was born. This particular fear of missing something or not being enough was something I started being haunted by when I was postpartum. It’s something which, for me, is often fueled by social media or conversations with others whose contexts for parenting are so different from my own it should be impossible to compare – but that doesn’t mean I don’t question or doubt myself. I’ve worked really hard on this over the last several years and made massive progress so when this feeling of missing out because I was missing camp snuck up on me during this first year I was recreating camp, I knew I had two choices. I could let it own me or I could let it inform me. 

I chose the latter. I decided to slow down and stop rushing my learning plan for this year – which is why I haven’t made more of those kinds of posts with what activities we’re doing. I just let myself take it a few steps back – especially since my son is so young – and really reflect on what I was missing about camp to be able to recreate it here for us in a way that kept me feeling empowered and grounded as opposed to longing for something different. So that’s what I did. Here’s how I’ve been working to learn from the feeling of missing camp:

1. Re-create and craft a schedule for us by remembering the old camp schedule but allowing myself to transform it for us. You can read more about that here.

2. Devouring books and podcasts that fill in my gaps on learning, homeschooling, nature schooling, and child development. I realized while camp gave me a ton of excellent skills, knowledge, and assets, we all have some blindspots. To feel more confident, I needed to fill in some of those gaps to squash those little fires of doubt. I’ll share some of my favorites soon.

3. Educating myself on the flora and fauna of my current environment. Particularly, those that cause me any fear or trepidation. I joined a snake education group on Facebook to help me learn about venomous snake identification and behavior in my area, something I did not ever have to worry about or know growing up and doing camp on coastal northern California. I purchased a plant identification app for my phone so I can learn what poison ivy looks like because I can identify poison oak easily, but again, poison ivy was something I never encountered growing up. I’m also learning about natural bug repellents. I got a book on hiking in our region and have started making a list of regional outdoor activities, from fishing to rock climbing to farming, and searching for local experts who might be able to teach me and my son over the next several years.

4. I started a Wild+Free group for my county.  Two critical parts of camp for me were the community we became over nine weeks of summer camp and the leadership opportunities that aided in development, growth, competence, and confidence over nearly 10 years in my teens and early twenties. Being a Wild+Free group leader is giving me both a community and leadership opportunities. It’s allowed both my son and I to connect with people here where we live and make friendships within a group setting that’s consistent and reliable. Leading it keeps us accountable, and it keeps me convicted, as well as giving me an outlet for all my leadership skills. 

5. I started talking about the why behind this plan to recreate camp for my son with some of my harshest critics. It gave me space to grow my confidence in my why. The confidence and conviction for why I’m doing what I’m doing give me motivation to push through any doubts I have, or wishing I was doing it somewhere different or somehow differently.

I hope this is relatable. I think so many of us can find ourselves these days comparing ourselves or our circumstances to others, or even to our former selves. But we are where we are. Author Hannah Brencher has this great quote, “be where your feet are.” It’s something I’ve been trying to really embody over the last few years. I am where I am. I live where I live. I’m parenting here and now. I have the resources I have. I can be nostalgic but I don’t need to long for a camp of the past; I need to long for the camp I have now, the one I’m creating and establishing as a learning environment in which my son and I can both thrive. Instead of letting the anxious feeling of missing something own me, it informs me and as a result I get to own my circumstances and move us forward one intentional step at a time. 

Originally posted 4/5/23 on old website